I write this post on Valentines Day 2025. It seems only fitting that today I talk about Love. I’ve walked alongside countless individuals on their journey to healing, self-discovery, and self-acceptance. One of the most profound themes that often surfaces in my work is the concept of self-love. For many, it can feel like an elusive goal, something that is difficult to fully grasp. I can relate to that struggle—there was a time in my life when self-love felt like an unattainable dream. And I know, from both personal experience and professional insight, that learning to love ourselves is one of the most courageous acts we can undertake.
It’s not easy to open our hearts, especially when they’ve been wounded in the past. We’ve all experienced hurt—whether it’s from relationships, or the inevitable challenges of life. After a heartbreak or betrayal, it’s natural to guard ourselves, to close off, and to protect the tender parts of who we are. We build walls to shield our vulnerability, believing that it’s safer to keep others at a distance rather than risk the potential of more pain.
But here’s the truth: while it feels safer in the short term, those walls ultimately keep us from experiencing the deep connections and love we deserve. More importantly, they block us from the one relationship that matters most—the relationship with ourselves.
Why Self-Love Matters
When you don’t love yourself, it can feel like your whole world is defined by external validation. You seek approval from others, constantly wondering if you're enough. The idea of someone leaving, or not liking you, becomes terrifying because your sense of worth is fragile. If someone rejects you, it feels like your very foundation is shaken.
However, when you learn to love yourself, everything changes. Self-love provides a rock-solid foundation of strength that comes from within. It’s the understanding that you are worthy of love, not because of what others think of you, but because of who you are. Self-love isn’t about being perfect or free of flaws; it’s about accepting yourself completely, and nurturing your own well-being.
The more you practice self-love, the less you need external validation to feel secure. You develop a quiet confidence that radiates from within. And when someone leaves or doesn’t like you, it no longer shakes you to your core. You know that your worth doesn’t depend on their approval. The love you have for yourself is unwavering and steadfast.
Vulnerability: The Key to True Connection
Here’s the catch: true self-love isn’t just about feeling good about who you are—it’s about embracing vulnerability. Many of us think that vulnerability is weakness, but in fact, it’s the greatest strength we can have. To be vulnerable means you are willing to open your heart and be seen for who you truly are, without the walls, without the masks, and without the fear of judgment.
When you open yourself up to vulnerability, it’s like you’re saying, “I love myself enough to be seen, to be heard, to be truly known.” It’s an act of courage, because it means letting go of the need for control and trusting that you are enough, no matter what others may think. Vulnerability allows you to connect with others on a deeper level because it invites them to do the same—to show up authentically and without pretense.
For many of us, the idea of being vulnerable feels too risky. But here’s the paradox: vulnerability is actually what makes connection possible. When we show up as our true selves, we allow others to do the same. We build trust, we create intimacy, and we foster meaningful relationships.
The Art of Self-Love: A Healing Journey
As an art therapist, I encourage clients to use creative expression as a way to explore their inner world and begin the journey of healing. Art, in its many forms, allows us to process emotions that words often fail to capture. Through art, we can give shape to our feelings, express our pain, and, ultimately, heal. The act of creating something beautiful out of our brokenness is a powerful metaphor for what it means to love ourselves.
Self-love isn’t a destination; it’s a lifelong journey. It requires patience, compassion, and commitment. You may have moments where you feel defeated or doubt your worth, but the key is to keep coming back to yourself with kindness. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
As you embark on this journey, remember: you are worthy of love, not because of what you do or how you perform, but because of who you are at your core. When you begin to love yourself fully, you will find the strength to let go of the fear of rejection. You will discover the freedom to be vulnerable, to open your heart to others, and to experience the depth of connection that comes from being your authentic self.
A Final Thought
To love yourself is to give yourself the strength to face anything that comes your way. It is the courage to trust that even if someone leaves, or the world doesn’t always understand you, you will be okay. You are enough.
So, take the first step—embrace your vulnerability, practice self-compassion, and begin to heal. You are worthy of love, and the most important love story you can ever have is the one with yourself.